My son Zach got married this weekend.
Watching how thoughtfully and carefully they planned the wedding to keep it intimate and meaningful was heartwarming.
The wedding was for them, with parents and siblings as the only guests. They did it at the location of their first date, had their favorite desserts, and wore non-traditional outfits. I believe they will have a party in the spring.
A wedding is a significant life event. So, I’m sharing a few of the thoughts it triggered.
Since they were born, I have been struck by how similar and different my two sons have been. My older son, Ben, is very analytical and yet surprisingly heart-centered, while Zach is very emotionally-centered and yet very intelligent. That slight difference in their center of gravity has been impactful. Ben has always been a “less is more” kind of guy, while Zach has always been a “more is more” kind of guy.
Nature is funny ... and I believe that how you do something is how you tend to do almost everything. For example, Ben always had a plan — yet, Zach was different ... until he fell in love with rugby, and everything changed. I saw him approach fitness, health, schedules, time, and almost everything differently. That exposes an interesting truth - You don’t tend to win races you don’t want to win. Something deeper has to inspire the effort. When you find something deeper, the rest becomes easier. Even in his 30s, rugby is still his passion.
As a parent, a small part of me wished that Zach’s focus on rugby had gone to school or business or something ... But that’s not how I really felt. As a father, I knew that once I saw that he knew how to focus on what he wanted, he could focus on anything he wanted. Because once he knew how to do it for one thing, he could do it for anything.
It was like that for me when I met Jennifer – everything changed. I knew so fast. So, when I saw how everything changed for Zach when he met Sloane, I knew the same thing happened.
Here's how I knew he really loved her. Zach’s favorite food groups are cheese fries, bacon, and extra grease. So, his falling in love with a gluten-free vegan (and not only tolerating it – but defending it) showed me something massively important. For the record, he’s been protective and focused on Sloane ever since. And because of that, I know how this turns out.
I want to say how proud I am of Zachary and how happy I am for both of them as we welcome Sloane to the family.
Her love has brought out the best in Zach, and we can’t wait to see the life they’ll build together.
That reminds me of something I thought about several times during the wedding ... it is that love is both a noun and a verb. It’s a thing (a state, a feeling, or even a target) … but it’s also something that you can choose, commit to, and do. The noun without the verb is frustrating - because you couldn’t move towards it and would have to get lucky to experience it. But the verb without the noun would be exhausting because you’d always be searching without finding or driving toward something that you don’t arrive at. This perspective on love as both a state and an action resonates as a natural truth for me. It is like inhaling and exhaling ... one without the other is futile.
