What do you do when your wife and kids are out of town, and you find yourself alone?
Besides catching-up on projects that I somehow avoided until now, I like to watch movies.
TiVo now links to Netflix,
and provides an instant viewing option. Upon opening that folder on the DVR, I saw a
bunch of things I normally wouldn't choose to watch on my own. One of them
was a movie called Saint Ralph. And I chose to watch it anyway.
My Dad had an "interesting" belief. He didn't watch scary or negative movies, because he felt that life was enough of a challenge on its own ... and it was better to find things that raised our spirits. Well, I inherited that from him.
Don't get me wrong, I still I love drama and thrillers. But in the absence of compelling circumstances, I tend to prefer positive stories.
So a plot about a down-on-his luck Catholic High School student whose father is dead and whose mother is in a coma, doesn't sound like my type of movie.
But Saint Ralph was my type of movie. It made me think and I enjoyed it. The movie was lighter, funnier, and better than I expected.
On one level, it's a coming-of-age story about perseverance and faith through uncertain times. On another level, it's a well-written comedy about a quirky 14-year-old boy who gets it in his head that the only way to
save his mother is through a miracle (and the miracle he thinks will
save her ... is for him to win the Boston Marathon).
It is a movie that asks, if you're going to dream for something, why not dream for miracles?
I recently went to a Tony Robbins seminar in Toronto. One of the highlights of the event was the Firewalk, which is a barefoot walk across red-hot embers.
Learning the technique is not really that hard (it is basically walking at
a normal pace, while not hesitating or tripping). The hard part is doing that knowing that there are burning embers under your feet.
It is breath-taking on several levels. The firewalk is cool in-and-of-itself;
isn't it? So, it doesn't have to mean anything beyond doing
it. Yet, there are some great opportunities to make it more impactful by leveraging what you make the experience mean.
For example you can use the
experience as a powerful memory, triggering feelings of being able to do
anything you commit to ... or breaking through what used to be your limits. Or the firewalk can be taken as a metaphor for life ... and being able to put yourself into a resourceful state, and choosing to take the right action regardless of what's happening externally or in your mind.
What Goes Through Your Mind?
I was scared the first time I walked on fire. Even though I knew it would do it, when I got to the front of the line, looked down, saw the burning embers, and smelled the smoke ... my mind wanted to scream "NO"!! I had a whole lifetime of conditioning that touching hot things was dangerous, and certainly walking barefoot across hot coals made little sense to my logical mind, and even less sense to that primal instinct part of the mind that's there to protect me.
That's why many of the techniques used in the seminars revolve around getting into a peak state, and filling your head with phrases that you repeat again, and again, and again. If you're saying "yes", "yes", "yes" ... There's no room for your brain to say "no".
Is It State of Mind ... Or Science?
I'm not going to pretend I understand the science of why it's possible to walk barefoot for 30 or 40 feet across burning coals, without injuring yourself. But you don't have to be a scientist to guess that hesitating in the middle might have painful consequences. This video is well done and explains a lot.
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It is Better the Second Time Around.
I've done the firewalk many times now, and still enjoy it. It's really interesting to watch the faces of people doing it for the first time. Some express abject terror, others pump themselves up into a manic state, while still others follow the crowd with a glazed look on their face.
This time, I tried something different than what I've done before. Instead of working myself into a peak state and charging across the coals triumphantly, I wanted to do it from a place of calm resolve. To me this is a different type of peak state.
In some ways it's about being more present to the situation and my own capabilities. Since I had done this before, being afraid would be somewhat irrational (however emotions do not have to be logical). I didn't want to numb myself to the experience by focusing internally, or by jacking-myself-up into a warrior state; instead I wanted to enjoy the sights, sounds, and smells of what was happening -- and how cool it was to do this from a purposeful intent.
A Little Bit of Mastery Goes a Long Way.
As a trader, the winning, losing, and the uncertainty and certainly trigger fear, greed, and doubt. Learning to master these states, and keeping a clear head, leads to a much longer career.
It's funny, because I wasn't sure that going through this exercise again would have the same impact. It did, just for different reasons than I have before. I highly recommend it. Feel free to contact me if you have questions or comments. I'd love to hear about your experiences.
Do gadgets that help you focus on conscious breathing work? I found three that worked for me: Resperate, Helicor's StressEraser, and Heart Math's emWave.
My biggest complaint is that once I learned the relaxation techniques each of these devices teach, I didn't need the device to get the results. That also is a positive, isn't it?
I think, feel, and communicate better when I'm calm. Learning to access that state at will is an important skill ... in business and personal life.
So, with that in mind, here are my impressions and experience with each.
Resperate.
The Resperate unit is a little bigger than a portable CD-ROM player, with a built-in elastic strap that goes around your ribcage to monitor your breathing. The concept behind this tool is very simple. It relaxes you by helping you slow your breathing down.
Resperate starts by pacing your in-and-out breaths with higher and lower pitched sound cues. Over time it moves these tones farther apart, leading you to breathe slower and more deeply.
How did it work? It helped me move easily from 6 to 10 breaths-per-minute, down to two or three breaths-per-minute. This promotes much deeper breathing and relaxes the body and mind. I find that I enjoy using this tool for about 10-minutes at a time; and I definitely feel relaxed after using it.
While Resperate provided the most relaxation, it is the one I use least. Perhaps because it is a little bigger and requires the belt. Not big hurdles; but apparently big enough.
Helicor's StressEraser.
The StressEraser is a portable biofeedback device, smaller than a deck of cards. On the top, there is a hinged slot to put your finger. The finger reader measures your pulse and galvanic skin response. There is also an LED screen on this device that helps you pace your breathing, and shows your level of stress or relaxation.
Without focusing, the line is erratic and jagged.
However, with only a little bit of training, it's easy to create a very smooth sign wave that indicates a steady breathing and a healthy heart rate pattern.
With this tool, I get the best (most relaxing) results with an
in-breath of about five seconds and an out-breath of about the same length. I like doing this for five minutes or so; it is a nice break in the middle of the day, before an important phone call, or a decision-making session.
I
find that it
helps me focus. Of the three tools, this is the one I find myself using most often. This might be because I like the graph and how it gives me instantaneous feedback about my breathing and focus.
HeartMath's emWave.
This is the smallest of the tools. The emWave relies on either a thumb sensor or, my preference, a clip that attaches to your earlobe. The technique is very similar to what you learn with the StressEraser. It involves steady breathing and a focus on reducing heart beat variability. It has four levels of challenge.
It sounds strange, and I don't claim to understand the science behind it, however focusing your attention on your heart while doing the breathing exercise seems to make a difference. Somehow, when you focus your attention on your heart, that is when the machine changes color to indicate that there is "coherence". And, in my experience, this is the most relaxing part of the exercise. More coherence equals less stress.
I tend to use this tool less than five minutes at a time to feel calm and refreshed. It was also the easiest for me to have success with (in this case, to get the "green light" to come on). So, the emWave is the smallest, easiest and quickest of the three ... and it works. I'm going to use this more often.
So why did I use one that is more challenging? Habit, or perhaps that defines part of the reason I need to relax?
