In the course of business this week, I noticed that certain comments and interactions triggered hurt feelings.
Stress, high expectations, and a narrow focus often result in hurt feelings.
Of course, I understand that a little conflict is normal (or even beneficial). Yet, I guess I'm getting a little softer as I get older.
It doesn't take "intent" to hurt someone's feelings (or to have your feelings hurt). It can happen by a simple disagreement, a stubborn point of view, a dismissive comment, or even a judgmental look.
Sometimes, the catalyst can be part of effective strategies. And normally, people just brush off these smaller-scale disturbances with the excuse with: "I was angry"; or “I’m only human”; or "There is no place for cry-babies in business." Nevertheless, it’s important to remember that we should strive to be better.
To drive the point home further, here is the story of "The Nail in a Fence." While you might have seen it before, it is worth reading again.
Nail In The Fence:
There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.
The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down.
He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it; and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.
The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.
The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there."
A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.
This story is a reminder to be mindful of cause and intent. Hope it helps.
Causing pain to others is one problem. Causing pain to ourselves is another.
Feeling and stoking anger is like taking poison and hoping the other person suffers. It isn't efficient or practical.
So, what about "Forgiving"?
It doesn't have to be forgetting.
Forgiving removes the valence (or charge) from a situation or memory.
It only takes a moment to create an emotional trigger (think about how you felt when you saw a high school bully in the hallway). It is simple, evolution and natural selection favored species that remembered and avoided danger. It is in our DNA. But avoidance isn't always a great strategy ... especially when it is blocking the attainment of something beneficial.
Forgiveness is a way to disable or mute the emotional trigger (this is called "collapsing an anchor" in NLP). It's also a choice to move forward.
Forgiveness is also a release of "claim". When we are wronged, we expect an apology, retribution, restitution, or recognition. And until we get it, we are stuck, waiting for it. In a sense, forgiveness releases the stuck energy and makes it available for something else (hopefully, something better).
Forgiveness changes the route and allows you to move forward.
And I've found that good things happen more often when you are in motion.
Who or what do you need to forgive?
Onwards.
Social Media Is Changing Everything: A Reprisal
I came across a post from 2009 about social media. 10 years later, with the knowledge of how much data we use today, it's quite a read.
Here it is in its full glory.
Social Media Is Changing Everything: October 18th, 2009
My son won't use e-mail the way I did. So how will people communicate and collaborate in the next wave of communications?
Here is a peek into the difference that is taking hold. I was looking at recent phone use. The numbers you are about to see are from the first 20 days of our current billing cycle.
How can that be? That level of emotional sluttiness makes porn seem downright wholesome.
But, of course, that isn't how he sees it. He is holding many conversations at once. Some are social; some are about the logistics of who, what, when, where and why ... some are even about homework. Yet, most don't use full sentences, let alone paragraphs. There is near instant gratification. And, the next generation of business people will consider this normal.
Is social media a fad? Or is it the biggest shift since the Industrial Revolution?
Welcome to the World of Socialnomics. This video has a bunch of interesting statistics ... and is fun to watch.
Other Resources:
Social Media Is Changing Everything: April 20th, 2019
Looking at the stats from 2009 is pretty funny
For some context, I looked up the comparative numbers for 2018.
Here's what happens every minute of every day on the internet
via Lori Lewis and Chadd Callahan
A little different than 2009 ...
Posted at 01:37 PM in Business, Current Affairs, Gadgets, Games, Healthy Lifestyle, Ideas, Just for Fun, Market Commentary, Movies, Music, Personal Development, Pictures, Science, Sports, Web/Tech | Permalink | Comments (0)
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