In the course of business this week, I noticed that certain comments and interactions triggered hurt feelings.
Stress, high expectations, and a narrow focus often result in hurt feelings.
Of course, I understand that a little conflict is normal (or even beneficial). Yet, I guess I'm getting a little softer as I get older.
It doesn't take "intent" to hurt someone's feelings (or to have your feelings hurt). It can happen by a simple disagreement, a stubborn point of view, a dismissive comment, or even a judgmental look.
Sometimes, the catalyst can be part of effective strategies. And normally, people just brush off these smaller-scale disturbances with the excuse with: "I was angry"; or “I’m only human”; or "There is no place for cry-babies in business." Nevertheless, it’s important to remember that we should strive to be better.
To drive the point home further, here is the story of "The Nail in a Fence." While you might have seen it before, it is worth reading again.
Nail In The Fence:
There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.
The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down.
He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it; and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.
The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.
The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there."
A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.
This story is a reminder to be mindful of cause and intent. Hope it helps.
Causing pain to others is one problem. Causing pain to ourselves is another.
Feeling and stoking anger is like taking poison and hoping the other person suffers. It isn't efficient or practical.
So, what about "Forgiving"?
It doesn't have to be forgetting.
Forgiving removes the valence (or charge) from a situation or memory.
It only takes a moment to create an emotional trigger (think about how you felt when you saw a high school bully in the hallway). It is simple, evolution and natural selection favored species that remembered and avoided danger. It is in our DNA. But avoidance isn't always a great strategy ... especially when it is blocking the attainment of something beneficial.
Forgiveness is a way to disable or mute the emotional trigger (this is called "collapsing an anchor" in NLP). It's also a choice to move forward.
Forgiveness is also a release of "claim". When we are wronged, we expect an apology, retribution, restitution, or recognition. And until we get it, we are stuck, waiting for it. In a sense, forgiveness releases the stuck energy and makes it available for something else (hopefully, something better).
Forgiveness changes the route and allows you to move forward.
And I've found that good things happen more often when you are in motion.
Who or what do you need to forgive?
Onwards.
Celebrating 30 Years of the Internet [Infographic]
We take the internet for granted. Honestly, we take a lot for granted.
Do you remember a time before cell phones, before the internet, before all these science fiction realities. Even when the internet started … do you remember dial-up ... or when you needed dial-up for each individual site?
In March of 1989, Tim Berners-Lee published “Information Management: A Proposal” which outlined his vision for what would soon become the World Wide Web. March 12th is the official anniversary.
In celebration of 30 years of the internet, here’s an infographic on the timeline. Click to see the full thing.
via AppInstitute
Think of the impact of that one paper has on so many aspects of our life.
Information Gathering
I remember being in law school, going to the library and scanning through microfiche (or actual books) to study or do research.
I remember reading encyclopedias (and photocopying relevant articles).
I remember paying for newsletters that were mailed to me (or paying extra for fax delivery).
Having access to more data or faster delivery was a huge advantage.
Today, you have all the information you could ever ask for at the tip of your fingers ... Google and Wikipedia are just the tip of the iceberg.
There is almost too much information now. It is hard to separate the signal from the noise. It seems like anyone can find justification for almost anything. The result is lots of data, but too little knowledge.
Part of what is needed is a way to help people make better decisions about what to trust, what it means, and what to use.
Social Interaction
People record every moment, every intimate detail of their lives online, contrasted by a fear of strangers and letting children roam.
While riding around the neighborhood on your bike to see if your friends could come out to play is by no means outlawed - it does seem passé.
Chat rooms, Facebook, Online multi-player ... many people's key friendships are born and kept online.
I remember my son, 13 years old at the time, sending 10,000+ texts a month and thinking it was a phase. I was wrong.
The internet has radically changed the structure of relationships - for better, or often worse.
Privacy ( ... or the lack of it)
One of the biggest changes is that we as individuals have become productized. We take advantage of all these free resources at the cost of being pixeled and cookied into oblivion. We've chosen convenience over safety.
Remember, if you’re not paying for a product - you are the product.
Little bits of our private information, demographics, and psychographics are sold to advertisers to create smarter ads, new offers, and realistically we have very little control over that.
It’s been proven time and time again that these giants like Google and Facebook will find ways to sneak your data to advertisers even when it’s “illegal” with a slap on the wrist.
Data protection is a massive issue not only for corporations but for individuals. While many companies are trying to manage your privacy while still monetizing your data, there are just as many companies who couldn’t care less.
The GPDR - while frustrating for many - is a step towards protecting individuals.
Every action has a reaction, and every benefit has a cost. The internet is an amazing tool - but it can also be a weapon.
What will the next 30 years of the internet hold?
It has been 30 years since inception, and there's radical growth.
We’ve gone from bit speeds to megabyte speeds. We’ve gone from crappy-quality video taking hours to download to streaming HD quality video live.
How do imagine that the internet will evolve?
What influence do you think the Internet of Things will have?
It’s hard to foresee how innovation and regulation will change the internet, but it’s clear there will be change.
We live in exciting times!
Posted at 07:48 PM in Books, Business, Current Affairs, Gadgets, Ideas, Market Commentary, Science, Trading Tools, Web/Tech | Permalink | Comments (0)
Reblog (0)