Personal Development

Attitude

I got the following story in an e-mail, several times this year. It has a nice message. The thing that interested me, though, was that I got it in several different forms.

Jerry is the hero in this version. It was Mike in another. Sometimes he got shot, and was allergic to bullets … other times he fell off a tower and was allergic to gravity. Sometimes it was a plain text mail, other times it was in a PowerPoint attachment.

Made to Stick: Clearly it is a "sticky" story that people like to re-shape and re-tell. So, with no further ado, here it is for you to read for yourself.

Jerry was the kind of guy you love to hate. He was always in a good mood and always had something positive to say. When someone asked him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"

He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"

Jerry replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, Jerry, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood.' I choose to be in a good mood.

Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.

Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life."

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.

"Yes it is," Jerry said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live life."

I reflected on what Jerry said. Soon thereafter, I left the restaurant industry to start my own business.

We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that Jerry did something you are never supposed to do in a restaurant business: he left the back door open one morning and was held up at gunpoint by three armed robbers. While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination.

The robbers panicked and shot him.

Luckily, Jerry was found relatively quickly and rushed to the local trauma center.

After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body.

I saw Jerry about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?"

I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place.

"The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door," Jerry replied. "Then, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live, or I could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.

Jerry continued, "The paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the emergency room and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read, 'He's a dead man.' I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, there was a big, burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Jerry. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. 'Yes,' I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Bullets!' Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."

Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.

Attitude, after all, is everything.

It's Really About Resilience:

Lots of articles stress that how we react to challenges can dramatically affect the outcome, influence our health and the quality and length of our lives.

A new branch of medicine – psychoneuroimmunology – studies the relationship between mental attitude and health. Physicians have found that a positive attitude can result in faster recovery from surgery and burns, more resistance to arthritis and cancer and improved immune function.

For example, Yale University researchers conducted a 23-year-long study which showed that those who had a positive attitude towards aging lived roughly seven and a half years longer than participants who were dreading reaching their twilight years.

In "The Survivor Personality," Al Siebert has some interesting insights into why some people are stronger and more skillful at handling life’s difficulties. Interestingly Dr. Siebert says that survivor qualities can be learned, but they can't be taught.

Are life's best survivors different from other people? No; they survive, cope, and thrive better because they are better at using the inborn abilities possessed by all humans.

Will it be easy to think positively and look for the good when things are going bad? Not always; yet cost-benefit analysis indicates that the rewards are well worth the effort. I have two choices: I could choose to focus on what makes me strong, or I could focus on what makes me weak. I choose to focus on what makes me strong. I hope you do too.

February 8, 2009
Are We There Yet? Some Changes Happen In Slow-Motion.

Change is a constant. Yet it's often hard to see the forest for the trees.

It seems like just yesterday that my son, Zach, was making sand castles on the beach. This week he turned 16 and is driving. It reminds me of line from a song in the show, Fiddler On The Roof: "Sunrise, Sunset; Sunrise, Sunset … Swiftly Go the days."

On a day-by-day basis, I rarely noticed the change. However, looking at old pictures makes it obvious that there was growth and progress.

So, what did I notice? Sometimes it was what a great kid, or how loving, he has been. Other times I noticed that he didn't eat his vegetables, or that he drives passionately with a very heavy foot. In any case, what I focused on is what my life seemed filled with, to me.

Unfortunately, that is what has been happening in the markets as well. There is a lot of fear, uncertainty and doubt because people are focusing on what is wrong or what is missing. And frankly, the world has given us a lot of opportunities to focus on that lately.

But that isn't all there is to focus on in the market. I was talking to an old trader friend of mine, this week, and said he is "cautiously optimistic" because the lows have held even though everything but the kitchen sink has been thrown at the markets recently.

It is all about perspective, isn't it?

Here is a series of photos starting with Bush and ending with Obama. In the series, the differences from picture to picture are subtle.

This is also a metaphor for what I expect to happen over time. We are where we are. It doesn't really matter how or why we got there. We are here. And little-by-little we won't be here anymore.

If you are looking at the country or the economy, realize that it took years to get here. Simply changing a regime won't flip a switch. Some changes happen in slow-motion. Or, perhaps from our perspective, some changes appear to happen in slow-motion. From a different vantage point, the rate of change might seem very different.

The same can be said for changes in a person are changes in the business. It's easy to see the gap between where you are and where you'd like to be. Regardless, you will probably get there faster by building momentum and confidence by focusing on the improvements and progress you're making.

Tough times are great opportunities to discover character. I'm often amazed at the innovation and insight that occurs at times like these.

February 1, 2009
Hope Is Only The First Step.

It doesn't matter whether you liked or supported Obama during the campaign. Something changed, and the effects will be felt around the world.

That isn't a political statement. It is a call for action and an alert to the opportunities and possibilities ahead.

Watching the Inauguration I knew, deep in my body, that I was watching (and a part of) something historic.

Just because the change hasn't yet flowed through to something you're looking at, doesn't mean that the change hasn't already occurred. So, simply looking around, you might not notice that anything changed (for
example, the market continued to go down on Inauguration day). Make no mistake,
though, things Changed.

Hope Is Only The First Step.

In business (and certainly in trading) hope is not a great strategy; so it's ironic that it's what we need most right now.

Hope creates confidence, and confidence breeds action.

Sitting around waiting for governments to fix what's wrong is a recipe for disaster. Gandhi said "Be the change you seek in the world." It's never been more true than now.

This is not the time to wait for others to fix everything and clean up the mess. This is a time for action. This is a time to be open to possibility.

I'm excited! Periods like this are ripe with opportunity. And it brings to mind something my father told me a long time ago. The difference between good and great is infinitesimal. People who are good take advantage of opportunity, while people who are great create opportunity.

January 25, 2009
Hope Is Only The First Step.

It doesn't matter whether you liked or supported Obama during the campaign. Something changed, and the effects will be felt around the world.

That isn't a political statement. It is a call for action and an alert to the opportunities and possibilities ahead.

Watching the Inauguration I knew, deep in my body, that I was watching (and a part of) something historic.

Just because the change hasn't yet flowed through to something you're looking at, doesn't mean that the change hasn't already occurred. So, simply looking around, you might not notice that anything changed (for
example, the market continued to go down on Inauguration day). Make no mistake,
though, things Changed.

Hope Is Only The First Step.

In business (and certainly in trading) hope is not a great strategy; so it's ironic that it's what we need most right now.

Hope creates confidence, and confidence breeds action.

Sitting around waiting for governments to fix what's wrong is a recipe for disaster. Gandhi said "Be the change you seek in the world." It's never been more true than now.

This is not the time to wait for others to fix everything and clean up the mess. This is a time for action. This is a time to be open to possibility.

I'm excited! Periods like this are ripe with opportunity. And it brings to mind something my father told me a long time ago. The difference between good and great is infinitesimal. People who are good take advantage of opportunity, while people who are great create opportunity.

January 25, 2009
Three Simple Questions To Help Make This Your Best Year Ever
We are preparing for our yearly audit. On one hand, this is a task that is hard to like. It reeks of administrivia; and it seems like the best that happens is that nothing happens.

On the other hand, this is a great opportunity for us to review aspects of our business that rarely get primary focus. It reminds me of putting together a business plan. The actual plan isn't nearly as important as the thought and effort that went into creating it.

So, as we start the new year, I challenge you to look at some aspects of your business or life that you know need a little bit more of your focus. To borrow from the Strategic Coach (which is one of my favorite sources), you can start by asking yourself three questions.
1. What do I want to do more of?
2. What do I want to do less of?
3. What do I want to start doing?
Be honest with yourself, and recognize that there's a difference between data-driven tactics, things that emotionally charge you, and the things you just know are true.

You have a clean slate and open field, realize you can fill it with anything. Choose wisely.
January 18, 2009
Three Simple Questions To Help Make This Your Best Year Ever
We are preparing for our yearly audit. On one hand, this is a task that is hard to like. It reeks of administrivia; and it seems like the best that happens is that nothing happens.

On the other hand, this is a great opportunity for us to review aspects of our business that rarely get primary focus. It reminds me of putting together a business plan. The actual plan isn't nearly as important as the thought and effort that went into creating it.

So, as we start the new year, I challenge you to look at some aspects of your business or life that you know need a little bit more of your focus. To borrow from the Strategic Coach (which is one of my favorite sources), you can start by asking yourself three questions.
1. What do I want to do more of?
2. What do I want to do less of?
3. What do I want to start doing?
Be honest with yourself, and recognize that there's a difference between data-driven tactics, things that emotionally charge you, and the things you just know are true.

You have a clean slate and open field, realize you can fill it with anything. Choose wisely.
January 18, 2009
Being in One Conversation: A QuantumThink Example

I recently took a course called QuantumThink. It was interesting and different than many other courses I had taken.

It
laid out a number of techniques and exercises that helped me
distinguish when I was acting automatically (rather than consciously)
and unnecessarily limiting my sense of opportunities, options, or even
what was possible.

Frankly, I was surprised by how many of my
thoughts, beliefs, and decisions were the result of unconscious habits
or predictable patterns of behavior.

An Example.
One exercise helped me recognize how fragile my focus had been. Imagine
trying to listen to your favorite song. How long do you think you could
truly do that without losing focus and having other thoughts intrude
(without thinking about your to-do list or other songs that you like,
or who you're going to meet with later in the day, etc.)? For me, the
answer was not that long.

More importantly, I recognized that
when I'm not aware of my focus, it often wanders. And I get distracted
easily. Soon I recognized that this happened to me while talking to my
wife, while listening to a telephone call, even when ordering food at a
restaurant. How can I lose focus on the waitress while I was ordering?
Apparently, quite easily.

How About You?
When you're listening to someone talk to you, are you really listening
to them – or are you checking e-mail, texting, browsing a website,
watching TV, playing a game, or thinking about what you're going to
say? Be honest with yourself; how often are you fully
present? For me, the answer was not nearly enough.

Try
listening to one song with your full attention and focus. Now, imagine
how different a conversation with someone important to you would be if
you were consciously aware of your intent for them to experience being
heard the whole time they were speaking to you. Maybe it is easier to
imagine how different it would be for you if someone was fully present
when you talked with them?

I suspect that this is an area where
many people exhibit a similar weakness. I say that because discussing
this with several friends and family members resulted in big changes in
our interactions.

This was a small example, and there are lots
more. Even this single distinction can make a material change in your
life, if you let it. So give it a try; and visit this website to learn more about QuantumThink.

November 30, 2008
Being in One Conversation: A QuantumThink Example

I recently took a course called QuantumThink. It was interesting and different than many other courses I had taken.

It
laid out a number of techniques and exercises that helped me
distinguish when I was acting automatically (rather than consciously)
and unnecessarily limiting my sense of opportunities, options, or even
what was possible.

Frankly, I was surprised by how many of my
thoughts, beliefs, and decisions were the result of unconscious habits
or predictable patterns of behavior.

An Example.
One exercise helped me recognize how fragile my focus had been. Imagine
trying to listen to your favorite song. How long do you think you could
truly do that without losing focus and having other thoughts intrude
(without thinking about your to-do list or other songs that you like,
or who you're going to meet with later in the day, etc.)? For me, the
answer was not that long.

More importantly, I recognized that
when I'm not aware of my focus, it often wanders. And I get distracted
easily. Soon I recognized that this happened to me while talking to my
wife, while listening to a telephone call, even when ordering food at a
restaurant. How can I lose focus on the waitress while I was ordering?
Apparently, quite easily.

How About You?
When you're listening to someone talk to you, are you really listening
to them – or are you checking e-mail, texting, browsing a website,
watching TV, playing a game, or thinking about what you're going to
say? Be honest with yourself; how often are you fully
present? For me, the answer was not nearly enough.

Try
listening to one song with your full attention and focus. Now, imagine
how different a conversation with someone important to you would be if
you were consciously aware of your intent for them to experience being
heard the whole time they were speaking to you. Maybe it is easier to
imagine how different it would be for you if someone was fully present
when you talked with them?

I suspect that this is an area where
many people exhibit a similar weakness. I say that because discussing
this with several friends and family members resulted in big changes in
our interactions.

This was a small example, and there are lots
more. Even this single distinction can make a material change in your
life, if you let it. So give it a try; and visit this website to learn more about QuantumThink.

November 30, 2008
Coping, and the Scary Times Success Manual
With the markets making new lows and volatility shaking
investors out and in both directions, I thought this would be a good time to
talk about coping with loss.

There are predictable stages in coping with loss. In general you can expect to
go through anger, denial, bargaining,
despair, and finally acceptance. The stages of
grief are normal and to be expected. Here is a link to a more detailed
article about the stages of loss process.

Thought Patterns:

The past few weeks have been brutal. Many people I talked to recently are
suffering from "I should have …", or "if I
would have …", or "if I could have …"
thoughts. What do I mean? For example, I might think that things
would be better:
- if I would have flattened
  exposure before the bail-out vote, or
- if I could have held that short a little longer.
The
problem is that thoughts like those cannot affect the past. They only
create more stress and distraction. They are a lens focused on loss,
difficulties, past events, things that are missing, and what you don't want.
Think of them as an unhealthy reflex that wastes energy, confidence and time.

Instead the goal is to move forward and feel better. What follows is a
good head-start.

From time to time, economic and political events make people anxious and
fearful about their futures. This is one of those times. In response to
requests from their clients for insight on how to thrive when events seem to be
beyond their control, Strategic Coach offers ten
strategies for transforming negativity and unpredictability into opportunities
for growth, progress, and achievement.

They call it the "Scary Times Success Manual", and what follows are
some excerpts. The link to the complete version is below.

Forget about your difficulties, focus on your progress.
Because of some changes, things may not be as easy as they once were. New
difficulties can either defeat you or reveal new strengths. Your body's muscles
always get stronger from working against resistance. The same is true for the
"muscles" in your mind, your spirit, and your character. Treat this
whole period of challenge as a time when you can make your greatest progress as
a human being.

Forget about events, focus on your responses.
When things are going well, many people think they are actually in control of
events. That's why they feel so defeated and depressed when things turn bad.
They think they've lost some fundamental ability. The most consistently
successful people in the world know they can't control events – but continually
work toward greater control over their creative responses to events. Any period
when things are uncertain is an excellent time to focus all of your attention
and energies on being creatively responsive to all of the unpredictable events
that lie ahead.

Forget about what's missing, focus on what's available.
When things change for the worse, many desirable resources are inevitably
missing – including information, knowledge, tools, systems, personnel, and
capabilities. These deficiencies can paralyze many people, who believe they
can't make decisions and take action. A strategic response is to take advantage
of every resource that is immediately available in order to achieve as many
small results and make as much daily progress as possible. Work with every
resource and opportunity at hand, and your confidence will continually grow.

Forget about your complaints, focus on your gratitude.
When times get tough, everyone has to make a fundamental decision: to complain
or to be grateful. In an environment where negative sentiment is rampant, the
consequences of this decision are much greater. Complaining only attracts
negative thoughts and people. Gratitude, on the other hand, creates the
opportunity for the best thinking, actions, and results to emerge. Focus on
everything that you are grateful for, communicate this, and open yourself each
day to the best possible consequences.

Click here to listen to Dan Sullivan
present all ten "Scary Times" strategies.
Click here to download MP3 files or Click here to download a PDF version.
October 12, 2008
Coping, and the Scary Times Success Manual
With the markets making new lows and volatility shaking
investors out and in both directions, I thought this would be a good time to
talk about coping with loss.

There are predictable stages in coping with loss. In general you can expect to
go through anger, denial, bargaining,
despair, and finally acceptance. The stages of
grief are normal and to be expected. Here is a link to a more detailed
article about the stages of loss process.

Thought Patterns:

The past few weeks have been brutal. Many people I talked to recently are
suffering from "I should have …", or "if I
would have …", or "if I could have …"
thoughts. What do I mean? For example, I might think that things
would be better:
- if I would have flattened
  exposure before the bail-out vote, or
- if I could have held that short a little longer.
The
problem is that thoughts like those cannot affect the past. They only
create more stress and distraction. They are a lens focused on loss,
difficulties, past events, things that are missing, and what you don't want.
Think of them as an unhealthy reflex that wastes energy, confidence and time.

Instead the goal is to move forward and feel better. What follows is a
good head-start.

From time to time, economic and political events make people anxious and
fearful about their futures. This is one of those times. In response to
requests from their clients for insight on how to thrive when events seem to be
beyond their control, Strategic Coach offers ten
strategies for transforming negativity and unpredictability into opportunities
for growth, progress, and achievement.

They call it the "Scary Times Success Manual", and what follows are
some excerpts. The link to the complete version is below.

Forget about your difficulties, focus on your progress.
Because of some changes, things may not be as easy as they once were. New
difficulties can either defeat you or reveal new strengths. Your body's muscles
always get stronger from working against resistance. The same is true for the
"muscles" in your mind, your spirit, and your character. Treat this
whole period of challenge as a time when you can make your greatest progress as
a human being.

Forget about events, focus on your responses.
When things are going well, many people think they are actually in control of
events. That's why they feel so defeated and depressed when things turn bad.
They think they've lost some fundamental ability. The most consistently
successful people in the world know they can't control events – but continually
work toward greater control over their creative responses to events. Any period
when things are uncertain is an excellent time to focus all of your attention
and energies on being creatively responsive to all of the unpredictable events
that lie ahead.

Forget about what's missing, focus on what's available.
When things change for the worse, many desirable resources are inevitably
missing – including information, knowledge, tools, systems, personnel, and
capabilities. These deficiencies can paralyze many people, who believe they
can't make decisions and take action. A strategic response is to take advantage
of every resource that is immediately available in order to achieve as many
small results and make as much daily progress as possible. Work with every
resource and opportunity at hand, and your confidence will continually grow.

Forget about your complaints, focus on your gratitude.
When times get tough, everyone has to make a fundamental decision: to complain
or to be grateful. In an environment where negative sentiment is rampant, the
consequences of this decision are much greater. Complaining only attracts
negative thoughts and people. Gratitude, on the other hand, creates the
opportunity for the best thinking, actions, and results to emerge. Focus on
everything that you are grateful for, communicate this, and open yourself each
day to the best possible consequences.

Click here to listen to Dan Sullivan
present all ten "Scary Times" strategies.
Click here to download MP3 files or Click here to download a PDF version.
October 12, 2008