Healthy Lifestyle

  • The Gap and The Gain: A Different View of my TEDx Talk

    Sometimes I write posts about business ideas I've found to be particularly helpful. Today, I am writing about a concept that I would call "foundational," called the Gap and the Gain (which was created by Dan Sullivan of Strategic Coach). The base concept is simple – nonetheless, understanding and applying it can have transformative effects. The central concept is that you can be successful and happy or successful and unhappy … and the difference between the two is likely how you choose to measure your results. 

    Are you focused on the gap (all the things you still don't have) or the gain (all the things you already have)? 

    As an entrepreneur whose business is based on innovation, one of my unique abilities is being able to think about what's possible … and then find the golden thread from where we are to where we want to be. It's why I believe one of the "secrets to success" is to become comfortable being uncomfortable. Why? Because almost anything you want is beyond your current capabilities (otherwise, you'd already have them). Being able to transform the goal into a directional compass leading you in the right direction is easy for me, and gives me energy.

    But, that unique ability comes with a pretty obvious drawback … I'm never where I want to be (because I'm constantly looking at the horizon, and as I move towards it, the horizon continues moving). This is the curse of many entrepreneurs. They live and die without a fulfilling sense of accomplishment because they're always focused on the next mountain. The progress that they've made getting to here, and the confidence they built getting to here, raise the bar of what's possible.  Instead of focusing on the progress and wins that got them where they are, they monomaniacally focus on the gap between the current reality and their new shiny goal.

    The distance between where you currently are and where you want to go should be motivating. In fact, I'd argue that the ability to stretch your vision further is a skill you should reward rather than punish. It is simply a matter of perspective. Measure from where you started, but don't lose sight of the bigger future. One pushes you from behind, and the other pulls you forward. 

    That's the gap and the gain, and it's a great lesson that is useful in businesses and life in general. Ultimately, you're in control. You get to decide what you focus on, what it means, and what you choose to do.

    Personally, probably the most important way this lesson has impacted me was in making more of the time left with my dad while he was dying. 

     

     

    That video is about a year that brought my Dad's death, the forced sale of my company by venture capitalists, and a divorce (in that order).  In many respects, it was a horrible year …  a year where it would have been easy to focus on the gap rather than the gain. 

    Luckily, sometimes, life's darkest days bring the greatest gifts … if you are willing to look for them.

    One of my biggest takeaways from that struggle was about the time value of life.

    In finance, the "time value of money" refers to the principle that money's purchasing power varies over time (meaning, money today has more purchasing power than money later). In part, this is because the value of money at a future point in time might be calculated by accounting for other variables (like interest earned, or inflation accrued, etc.).

    It occurred to me that a similar calculation applied to life … or living.

    During the last part of my dad's life, it was easy to focus on what we were lacking … time … we would have done almost anything for a little more time. 

     

    Howard & Jake at the beach

     

    In his last year, things that used to be unimportant, or even mildly irritating, took on increased importance. For example, a dinner together became almost a sacred event; a kiss goodnight was truly heartfelt, and saying goodbye meant something … because it could be the last time.

    Because of that focus, he took more "life" out of that time. Necessity is often the mother of invention.  While I wouldn't have chosen the situation, it changed his mindset (frankly, it changed our mindset), and as a result, we increased the amount of life we squeezed out of that little bit of time. 

    Obviously, the choice to make more of life shouldn't wait for the death of a loved one or a similar crisis. 

    We can choose to focus on what we want and what we gained to make the most life out of whatever time we're given. 

    I spent a lot of that year moving away from pain when I could have been moving toward opportunity. I'm grateful I learned that lesson before he passed. 

    To close, I want to leave you with a lesson from my dad that really stuck with me. 

    The difference between good and great is infinitesimal. People who are good take advantage of opportunities … but people who are great create them.   ~ Jacob Getson

    It's a conscious choice we can all make.

    Hope that helps. 

    If you want to learn more about the specifics of the "Gap and the Gain," Ben Hardy wrote a great article on the subject

     
     
     
  • Reflecting on The Time Value of Time

    I have always believed that you can predict a lot about your future, based on the quality of the people you spend the present with.

    That is why I think participation in quality peer groups is critical. 

    Over the years, I joined several business-leader peer groups like Strategic Coach,  Abundance 360, or Vistage. These groups are a great way to meet people and learn things … and they also provide you with access to the benefits of feedback from a group of trusted advisors, perspectives you might otherwise get from a counselor, and a flow of ideas and opportunities that wouldn't have crossed your mind or your desk. They allow participants to see, hear, and discuss things they don't normally think about, talk about, or even notice.

    Peer groups are also great at bringing blind spots to your attention and connecting you to trends transforming industries and the world.

    In these meetings, you often find a "nugget" in the discussion. Sometimes it stems from what is happening in the world.  Sometimes it alerts you to potentially useful relationships, opportunities, or gadgets.  And sometimes, the nugget comes from discussing a common problem or constraint (like the pandemic) with your peers. 

    This week, several of these groups prompted me to think about time (e.g., not wanting to sell time for money, wanting to live past 100, the "strangeness" of time during the past year, etc.). 

    Time is funny. Sometimes it seems to fly by … other times, it seems to stand still. Dan Sullivan uses the example of 10 minutes with a dying loved one compared to holding your hand on a stove for 10 minutes. One seems excruciatingly short, and the other seems excruciatingly long. 

     

    zefrank via YouTube

    The average life expectancy for men in the U.S. is 76.

    How many amazing vacations do you have left? How many jaw-dropping moments? How many fantastic meals? How many Super Bowls?

    What about time with your parents or older relatives? It's easy to forget to call or miss an important event because "life happens" – but if you realize you may have already used 95% of your in-person time with that person … doesn't it become more special?

    For contrast:

    • Would you rather spend that time dwelling on a mistake?
    • What about being angry at something out of your control?
    • What about doing work that drains you mentally and emotionally?

    In my TEDx talk, I mentioned "living like you only have a year left" and how much more "life" we got out of the last part of my dad's life. 

    That is just an example, but clearly, it is worth taking the concept further. 

    To start, think of some of the activities you do, places you go, experiences you have that are special and make you feel like your best self. 

    • Hitting Flow-state and creating something new and exciting;
    • Taking an amazing vacation and experiencing something completely new;
    • Having a moment with someone you love that makes you stop and say – "Wow!"
    • Making a difference in someone's day or giving back to your community;
    • Experiencing peace and relaxation;
    • Feeling pure joy.

    It's easy to get lost and take for granted these moments when they happen, but when you think about how much time you have left … they take a whole new meaning. 

    TimeisrelativeHow can you maximize the time you have left?  Fill it with the best experiences, activities, and people you can.

    To start, think about different time frames:

    • What activities could you commit to doing at least once a year?
    • What activities could you commit to doing at least once a month?
    • What activities could you commit to doing at least once a week?
    • What activities could you commit to doing at least once a day?

     Make those lists … it is a simple way to get a better return on the time value of your life.

    Seriously, try it.  

    Let me know how it worked for you – and what you chose! 

     
     
  • Who Can You Trust?

    Information is Power.

    Consequently, your choice of information source heavily contributes to your perceptions, ideas, and worldview.

    Coincidently, news sources are a lightning rod for vitriol and polemic.

    I am still a little surprised by the abject hatred I hear expressed towards a particular news source by those who hold an opposing bias.  This often leads to claims of fake news, delusion, and partisan press. Likewise, it is common to hear derision toward anyone who consumes that news source.

    Perhaps the reality is that that most sources are flawed – and the goal should simply be to find information that sucks less?

    It's to the point where if you watch the news, you're misinformed; and if you don't watch the news, you're uninformed. News sources aren't just reporting the news, they're creating opinions and arguments that become the news.  And many don't care enough to think for themselves – or to extract the facts from the opinion.

    Here's a chart that shows where news sources rank on various scales. You can click the image to go to an interactive version with more details.

     Adfontes

    via Ad Fontes Media

    I once spent fifteen minutes in an argument about how you know whether the information in this chart is true.  If you're curious about their methods, click here

    Distrust toward news agencies, big companies, the government, and basically anyone with a particularly large reach is the "new normal." 

    Perhaps even more dangerous is the amount of fake news and haphazard research shared on social media. Willful misrepresentations of complex issues are now a too common communication tactic now on both sides … and the fair and unbiased consideration of issues suffers.  

    Social media spreads like wildfire, and by the time it has been debunked (or proven to be an oversimplification) the damage is done. People are convinced … and some will never go beyond that. 

    The reality isn't as bleak.  People agree on a lot more than they say they do.  It is often easier to focus on "us" versus "them" rather than what we agree upon jointly.  This is true on a global scale.  We agree on a lot.  Most Democrats aren't socialists, and most Republicans aren't fascists … and the fact that our conversation has drifted there is intellectually lazy.

    This idea that either side is trying to destroy the country is clearly untrue (OK, mostly untrue). There are loonies on the fringes of any group, but the average Democrat is not that unlike the average Republican. You don't have to agree with their opinions, but you should be able to trust that they want our country to succeed. 

    I don't know that we have a solution. But there is one common "fake news" fallacy I want to explain at least a little. 

    It's called the Motte and Bailey fallacy. It's named after a style of medieval castle prioritizing military defense.

    Launceston_Castle_-_geograph.org.uk_-_22242

    Launceston Castle via Chris Shaw, CC BY-SA 2.0

    On the left is a Motte, an artificial mound often topped with a stone structure, and on the right is a Bailey, the enclosed courtyard. The Motte serves to protect not only itself but also the Bailey. 

    As a form of argument, an arguer conflates two positions that share similarities. One of the positions is easy to defend (the motte) and the other is controversial (the bailey).  The arguer advances the controversial position, but when challenged insists they're only advancing the moderate position. Upon retreating the arguer can claim that the bailey hasn't been refuted, or that the critic is unreasonable by equating an attack on the bailey with an attack on the motte. 

    It's a common method used by newscasters, politicians, and social media posters alike. And it's easy to get caught in it if you don't do your research. 

    Conclusion

    As a society, we're fairly vulnerable to groupthink, advertisements, and confirmation bias

    We believe what we want to believe … so it can be very hard to change a belief, even in the face of contrary evidence. 

    But, hopefully, in learning about these fallacies, and being aware, we do better. 

    I will caution that blind distrust is dangerous – because it feels like critical thought without forcing you to critically think.

    Distrust is good … but too much of a good thing is a bad thing. 

    Not everything is a conspiracy theory or a false flag.

    Do research, give more credence to experts in a field – but don't blindly trust them either.  How well do you think you're really thinking for yourself?

    It's a complicated world, and it's only getting more complicated.  But, hopefully, it encourages you to get outside your bubble and learn more about those you disagree with. 

     
  • When Texas Freezes Over

    As I write this, Texas has already cleared up and is warm again … but the effects of a week spent below freezing (with temperatures reaching below zero) will be felt for a long time. 

     

    210221 Texas Freeze_1via Joe Raedle/Getty Images

    Even though it had not snowed here in for several days, the Rolling Blackouts continued through the end of the week.  It is hard to believe Texas does not know how to handle six inches of snow.  Having grown up near Boston, I recognize that with no plows, no sanding, and no salt … you stand little chance of keeping the roads clear. At some level, it is just idiots slipping, sliding, and waiting for the sun to come out.  But who would have thought that would describe top leaders of the State and its ability to provide basic human needs like power, water, and heating (let alone WiFi and battery power)?

     

    210221 WiFi and Battery Power on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

    The ice storm and cold snap weren’t so bad for me (compared to some of the stories I’m hearing from other people in our office). Yes, we lost power, water, and the Internet … but only for a few isolated hours.  I was lucky (and so was our data center), but millions (including several Capitalogix employees) suffered due to lack of water, electricity, or heat, and to add insult to injury – burst pipes. 

    Despite the fact that the temperature is back in the high 50s, here is a photo I took at our local supermarket this weekend.  Let's say things aren't quite back to normal yet.

     

    210221 Empty Store Shelves

    I've seen a lot of political mudslinging from both sides trying to avoid blame.  The reality is that this mess is a disaster that doesn't need to be politicized (and should be used as the raw material to make sure that something like this doesn't happen again). While Texas rarely sees weather like this, this wasn't the first time we have, and it won't be the last. 

    Two major factors came into play.

    First, Texas chose to stay off the national grid to avoid federal regulation. The Texas grid is called ERCOT, and it is run by an agency of the same name — the Electric Reliability Council of Texas. We joke about Texas seceding from the Union, but the reality is that many Texans are fiercely independent and crave less federal regulation (which is a discussion for another day) so the choice resonated with constituents.  Especially since Texas is a very energy-rich state.  Unfortunately, not being on the national grid means that when our grid is overtaxed, we're mostly on our own. In the winter of 2011, when our power sources couldn't keep up with needs we imported energy from Mexico to keep up, but this year much of Northern Mexico was struggling as well. 

    Second, Texas chose not to winterize its power sources. After 2011, a proposal was floated to winterize energy plants by adding insulation, heating pipes, etc. but it was very costly and wasn't adopted.   Many Texans (including politicians) were quick to blame it on the underperformance of renewables, but in this case, according to ERCOT,  natural gas, coal, and nuclear were affected. 

    All of these energy sources can be winterized, and renewables work fine even in Antarctica. This isn't an argument for renewables or for joining the national grid. Just an acknowledgment of the current situation. 

    ERCOT claimed that they were ready for the storm, and warned their plants to "winterize" how they could, but clearly, it wasn't enough. With more preparation locally and on the state level, Texans should be fine to handle these types of episodes in the future. With that said, it shouldn't take episodes like this to enact change. 

    Regardless, crises like this are opportunities to come together, and I've been very happy to see how many people have offered food, water, and their homes to people in need.

    Thank you to all who reached out to check in on us. 

     
  • Gong Xi Fa Cai & Happy Valentine’s Day

    Friday was the Lunar New Year. Normally, Jen and I would travel to Indonesia to spend it with her family, but it didn't happen this year. 

    Regardless, Gong Xi Fa Cai … which translates to "Best wishes for a prosperous New Year!"

    It's interesting to think about how many New Year celebrations there are.  In addition to Chinese New Year, Muslims have Hari Raya Idul Fitri; Jews have Rosh Hashanah; Persians have Nowruz; and of course, there is January 1st (and there are many others).

    Regardless of your chosen New Year, it provides an opportunity to celebrate, share, reflect, plan, and commit to the right actions.

    And how fitting for it to be Valentine's as well, so I can celebrate, share, etc. about Jen as well. 

    120194233_10157766011383321_7890178099815804266_n

    I met Jennifer in April of 2004, and we got married in January of 2008. So, last month we celebrated our 13th anniversary. 

    On one hand, I can remember the day I met her like it was yesterday.  On the other hand, time feels like it's moving faster every day.

    Throughout these years, and especially in 2020, I remain thankful for her care, insight, presence, and patience. 

    As an entrepreneur, I have a "tense" problem.  For me, the future and present are often blended.  The present is my tool to create the future I imagine and desire.  Meaning, I imagine the future I want – and then I find the path to create (or manifest) that destiny. 

    Not surprisingly, some of the things that were easy to imagine were hard to bring into reality (in a reproducible, efficient, and effective manner or process) … And these things seem to take forever.  Yet, as long as you continue to make progress, the result is inevitable.

    I am consciously trying to be more mindful and grateful for the progress (and even the minor moments, wins, or curiosities) before me.  The truth is that if you fail to notice them, you don't experience them (even though they happened).

    Here is to experiencing all that you need or want.  And, as for the rest, I hope it serves as the raw material, learning, or fuel to get you there faster.

    Onwards!